Scheduling ain't easy

Me and Chris both agreed that the kids must have a proper schedule for their academic studies and activities. We also agree that they must be active ha ha. So before we manage to get the tutors in I kinda create a simple schedule for their studies. English from 9 to 10 and maths from 2 to 3. After English, we either swim or skateboarding at the lobby and after maths we go down and play football or skateboarding or at the playground. this is a simple schedule but the actual one will start in two Weeks time where they will study from 9 to 3....wow. Is good for them to be active. Brandon at first was scared at the grass and don't really like to run and cries when he falls down but now he runs, he jumps, and get up after he falls. So is a big step for him. And being active is good for their well being as well cos it allows them to have fun and exercise. They are pretty good in football too.

We also registered them in kumon who teaches mental arithmetic. Not easy cos all this while both of them have been learning finger counting from their public school. Tsk tsk...kumon will be their after school activities.

I bought some drawing blocks and paints so arts and craft will start soon ha ha. I am not so great in art but it will be kinda fun...

So cross finger and lets do our best....

Brandon spinning sensation

Two pictures below. Before Emma spin the cup around and after Emma spin the cup around.

Brandon said after the ride, I don't want to ride these spinning things cos they spin me till I cannot remember many things in the park. Aiyah

My tots being a stay at home mum

I have been working since 20 years old and never stopped working except for the part being unemployed for the past 8 months in which I nearly went crazy so what do I think about being a stay at home mum ? Well it is NOT Easy at all. I salute all stay at home mums especially my youngest sister with her 10 months old baby and far away from home. Yes we did silly mistakes like forgetting certain things about our kids or our mind is wondering dat away while ur kids are talking to you but hey it is indeed a Tough Job. Kudos susanna and to all my stay at home mums.

At the beginning I feel tired and lethargic thinking what was I thinking agreeing to be a stay at home mum but it gets a bit easier.

I am going to move in with my life partner in July so for the time being staying at my parent house which is also not easy. curfews and old traditional thinking but I am very glad and happy and grateful that they are willing to have us stay there for one month. We have two kids, Emma 10 years of age and Brandon 7 years old. Is a big step for both kids as they need to settle down in KL. You see Brandon has been staying with the babysitter since he was born and seldom interact with Emma and he speaks in Mandarin. Emma is close to her father and seldom plays or communicate with Brandon and she speaks in English. So we have a chicken and duck talk situation and is a big adjustment for both of them. But surprisingly both of them are slowly adapting to the environment and also to each other. We just need to motivate or encourage them to play with one another and look out for each other. Brandon is a very brave and strong not. He calls his babysitter whom he calls mama almost everyday and even told her that he misses her and promise her not to cry and he did not. He kept on smiling. Emma is older and she misses kuching and also her Daddy. She was Moody at the beginning but now she is adapting much better. I am so grateful also for a loving partner who loves my two kids and want to always spend time with them. Brandon likes her so much that he wants to hold her hand everytime we walk instead of mine. Ha ha but I am cool with that.

Well we are going to home school the kids with private tutors coming to teach certain subjects and the rest I will do it myself. Not easy for me cos I never done home schooling before. But we manage to come up with a schedule which is pretty cool. Ha ha...well many new things to learn and do...I am going to use this journal to post whatever we do in our new life...

Never the First...

Well...I saw this post in facebook recently that says "I hate being put second to those I put first"...To be honest, it happens to many people all around the world and it is pretty sad actually. I can also relate to that. I have placed certain people that I love first but somehow I always goes to their second list of importance. Once I even heard that person telling me this "You are NOT the centre of my life OK!!!" OUCHHH. Broke my heart that particular day with tears flowing down my cheeks....imagine this girls, you love a guy so much and you try to give what you can to that person in terms of love, care, attention and affection (another word you places him first in your heart above all else) but in return, he places you under his career, family and maybe friends....Now...that also happens to guys as well..

My friends tell me, no need to give so much lar..what for...Well, I am a lover, when I love someone, I will try to love and care wholeheartedly. When I am committed I will do what I can to make that person happy...of cos in within my principles lar..ha ha...but when that person puts you second or third in their list, you will need to think twice whether it is worth it or not...I guess the answer is NO..but it is not easy when it comes to love...So, I will forever remind myself that I will appreciate and love those and give to those that really deserve my love for them..

So the saying "I hate being put second to those I put first" basically means this..WHEN someone puts you second, put them second or third..yeah is mean but hey we are all living in a mean mean world..soooo...don't make yourself difficult and sad and tortured...do yourself a favor, Love those who loves you, Put those who puts you first FIRST....and you will be much much happier...

I know I kinda repeat this post in a way. But this blog is meant to express how I feel and what I think and what positive sayings that I read. One of my dreams is to be a motivational speaker to help those who need help and those who need guidance.

Any group or anyone who wishes to know more about what I have been through and about my journey and to hear my talk, please do email me at glttan1975@yahoo.com for an appointment. I will do my very best to help and guide you.

Please read the post below which I wrote it from within my heart and full of emotions...

My Journey

---

“Piggy Piggy”, shouted guys across…laughing at me

“Sorry Miss, but I think you had better go to another boutique because we do not have your hmmm size here” – smiled the shopkeeper. I left the boutique, shamed like a thief, with tears running down my cheek.

I was very thin when I was young. My grandmother blamed it on my mum “You don’t feed your daughter is it? So skinny?” My mum was pissed and kept on feeding me. Two bowls of rice every day for dinner and lunch. Fried chicken, fatty pork meat and etc. My weight and size doubled.

I grew fat and to a big size when I was around 10 years old, and my size was never small. To keep boys from making fun of me, I would make fun of my own weight or become tougher at school. I was such a big size, even bigger than some of the boys, and I made sure they didn’t laugh at me. If they did , they would physically get it. But deep down inside I was hurt. I never liked family occasions because that was the time when my mum’s relatives would tell my mum “what did you feed her? Aiyoh..better don’t feed her too much..” They said all those hurting words even when I was standing there. My heart broke when I heard them and sometimes I would go to the loo and sit down and cry. My mum sometimes jokingly told people about my weight like when she used to bring me me to buy new clothes she would say “Poor my daughter. She is so fat that no dress can fit her.. …”..I had to endure this throughout my childhood and teen years. Somehow, they made me felt ugly. Someone said this before “Eventhough you are fat and big, if you are beautiful inside, you are beautiful and sexy…” YEAH RIGHT!!!!...That is not what I felt. Somehow people around me gave me the impression that I WAS UGLY because I AM FAT…

When I was 17, most of my girl friends had boyfriends. I thought to myself, “Oh well since I am fat who wants me anyway?”. Yes like any girl, I dreamt of getting married, having kids and a house and live with my loving husband for the rest of my life..But that ain’t going to happen.

When someone feels overweight it isn’t just a physical thing, it effects, or perhaps more correctly infects their whole being. I had low self esteem and was always afraid to go out because of my appearance. When venturing out I would usually experience one of two responses. Either I was ‘invisible’ and people would ignore me, or they would stare, point and nudge each other so they could share their cruelty with others and joke at my expense.

When I was around 21, still without any boyfriends, my mum told me one fine day “Mummy suggest that you go to a slimming center. What do you think?” I was shocked but agreed. Since I did not have much money my youngest sister sponsored me and at that time slimming centres were cheap. I Paid RM800 for one month course where I was mummified, pasted with mud all over, and electrified. I was told not to eat anything except glass noodles…Without eating other things except glass noodles, my weight did drop. By that time I was 79kg that time but I was not healthy at all. I did not do any exercise at all. I was too lazy to exercise of course but for the first time ever, I was a smaller size. From size XXL I had reduced to size M. I was so happy. Even my mum was happy…I was so excited and people stopped calling me PIGGY or FATTY girl…Then I met my hubby. I was so in love with him. I would do anything for him.

But, after marriage, I started to eat. I would have this thought “hey since I am already married and my hubby will always be with me and he does not really care how I look like sooo…who cares? As long I am comfortable and happy” I ate breakfast, lunch, dinner and supper. Snacking in between. Sometimes we would go out after 9 or 10 pm looking for food, KFC, Macdonald, Durians and etc. My weight shot all the way up. I wore baggy clothes and t shirts. I never look after my face, body etc.

Giving birth to two kids made it even worse…After giving birth to my second child I was 126kg. Besides that my marriage and my career were down the drain. I was depressed. I was sad. I was hurt. My heart was broken into million pieces. Here I am, a fat girl, who does not know her future anymore. Who wants me NOW! I felt ugly once more. I felt useless. I felt like a nobody. I just want to hide myself from society….Depression crept in fast. There were days when I wanted to kill myself so I wouldn’t have to face any more suffering. I did not care about my kids, my family and my loved ones.. I HATED MYSELF so much that I just want to end IT.

BUT…..One day while I was sitting on my bed trying to figure out ways to kill myself fast, my daughter came to my room and woke me up..her tears cried out to me telling me that she needed me and telling me to be OK…then in 2007, I started my journey to rebuild my life ONCE MORE……

My Journey..:-

My journey was never an easy one I fell down so many times and told myself I think I want to stop. I might as well I eat, drink and be merry and not care what people say. But I have gone through a lot to be where I am right now so, I am not going to stop. I am going to continue fighting and learning and DOING. Currently, I am 75 kg (weight goes up and down a bit but that does not matter), getting healthier every moment. Sexy and sassy. I manage to increase my self esteem and my self confidence. I love being just the way I am. And Importantly I love ME…

The New ME :-

My Love My Life :-

Life is full of ups and downs. Life will never be easy. We do not let Life or anyone control us, we control our own life. We are the AUTHOR of our life. If you are going through certain bumps in life be they large or small please do not be despair. I cannot tell you how to solve your problems and I will never tell you “I UNDERSTAND” because I am not in your shoes. Start by remembering to love yourself and know one thing for sure..You are always forever important and Life is what you make of it. Do me a favor, look at your own life and not others…For your Life is precious…..

What I am inspired to do:-

With this journey I have been through, I am inspired to be a motivational speaker for all women and men out there who are going through a very tough time especially when it comes down with their emotions and weight. I may not be a professional speaker or a counselor but I know what it is like to be depressed and overweight. Besides, I did some toast master training before..ha ha..so try me…

Any group or anyone who wishes to know more about what I have been through and about my journey and to hear my talk, please do email me at glttan1975@yahoo.com for an appointment. I will do my very best to help and guide you.